Joyful Failure

‘Joyful failure’ is an idea I have found in yet another book by the wonderful David D. Burns, MD. The book is called Feeling Great. Dr. Burns’ books are like lovely, old friends I go back to from time to time, just because I like to keep in touch and it is comforting to know they are there for me, whenever I feel the need to read a few encouraging pages.

I liked this idea that you can find joy in failing, in seeing it as a process of learning, a means to get you to your goal. Although from I ‘like’ to I ‘accept’ and ‘internalize’ is a long, long way.

In a distorted way, I always had this idea that talented writers just sit down to write, and everything they write is wonderful from the first time they put it on paper. Somehow, it never crossed my mind that they work at it and struggle and create draft, after draft, or that they do extensive edits. I thought that, magically, they just create these outstanding works of art from the get go.

I am finding out that is rarely the case, and I am working to change my mind and make it understand that it is ok to make mistakes, to create a structure and then build on it, to make changes, to strike out and to add things.

To find joy in failure by failing mindfully and learning from each time you fail.

To push through even when you feel like you are walking on quicksand and you could sink at every step.

To enjoy the process and the work in itself (of course I am talking about writing, but it can be anything).

To understand that the work is never done, that it can always be made better, or sometimes even worse.

I have always hoped for a mentor, somebody to guide me, to teach me how to be a writer, but that person never materialized, so I had to navigate all my uncertainties and fears by myself, reading books. Giving up writing more often than I gave up cigarettes, picking it up again when I could not bear not writing, being my most compassionate supporter and my most hurtful critic.

The journey continues, and over time, it has started to transform from mostly struggle to also small wins, and learning that failure is a natural part of the process has played a big part in it.

Sometimes people like to joke that Romanians are the poster children of ‘good enough’, that often we are ok with middle of the road solutions, not really struggling for anything better. I am not sure about that, most Romanians I know are quite strict and aim for things to be done in a very particular sort of way. So that might be just a legend, a bit like Dracula. (Sorry could not help it! Oh well, not that sorry!)

I digress!

Joyful failure. Joy in failing. The joy of failing. The satisfaction of giving it your best shot, learning from the attempt, getting to know the process and becoming better at it with each new attempt.

Yeah, I can see the joy in failing like that!

It is so great to feel old, hurtful ideas shattering in my head and being transformed into kinder, more compassionate ones.

My mind becoming my friend and not my critic.

I suppose this is what it looks like when failure builds you up.

Joyful!