‘It is so easy to forget yourself when there are others so keen to tell you whom you should be.’
The young girl rolled her eyes faced once again with her mother’s never ending lectures. Honestly, it felt like she was reciting from a self-help book on and on and on.
Old people were so out of touch! No clue about what the world was!
Today’s sermon had been prompted by a meeting with the teacher. Another old hag! Complaining all the time! Unhappy with Tina’s outfits, with her makeup, with her phone usage! Tina had decided that the old hag was just jealous of her beauty and her youth, and this is why she was giving out all the time.
‘You should not tell me who I am then! Shouldn’t you?’, pleased with a remark that she qualified as quite intelligent Tina failed to see the sadness covering her mother’s eyes.
‘Anyway, what does it matter? In a few months I will be done with school forever! Thank God!’, she walked ahead letting her mother watch her overstuffed backpack as she was heading off.
‘Could you be slower?’, she threw over the shoulder.
Unconsciously her mother picked up the pace. Seeing this Tina walked even faster just to make sure her mother had no way of catching up.
That is when it happened. The older woman caught the side of her right foot on a pavement stone, snatched at it before realizing it was caught, lost her balance, fell and hit her head. That was it. As simple as that. No warning, no bells and whistles. Just a stupid accident while trying to catch up with her daughter.
Tina was stunned for years after that, not being able to really comprehend how life can stop so suddenly and without warning. Now you walk down the street having the stupidest conversation, the next minute you are gone forever, with no chance of ever coming back.
Initially Tina blamed her mother. She should have paid more attention! How many times had she told Tina ‘Watch where you are going!’? She should have listened to her own advice.
Then, as time went on, she started to blame herself. When Tina became a mother the pain got worse and the first time she held her baby, she could only think about her mother understanding finally how she felt.
Nothing could ever erase from Tina’s heart the pain that she felt. She did good, she helped a lot of people and was a great mother, but nothing could ever take away the sadness in her eyes.
Not many people knew what happened and they were quick to decide this or that about her, in their oblivion they were sure they have her pegged, and she let them.
When they told her she had so much to be grateful for, to be happier and not so pained all the time, she agreed with them and let them think she agrees and will change her ways.
She knew though, in her heart of hearts, that she will never get to be herself, or better said, a different self than the one that had got stuck on a pavement stone, without ever being able to get up and build itself.