There was nobody to blame but herself. Nobody, nobody at all! She had been the creator of her own misfortune. The mastermind behind her downfall.
Grainne had been watching Bargain Hunt on TV for as long as she could remember. The show had always been in her life, through the good, the bad and most definitely the ugly. So, when the show announced they were coming to Ireland for a special March edition to celebrate St Pat, Grainne was determined they should go.
Darragh refused flat out. He was not one to go on TV and make himself the laughing stock of the entire town. Darragh did not care about the entire country, he cared about the lads he went to the pub or playing football with.
He was a small town man, living a small town life, and he knew perfectly well that if they went on that, he would never hear the end of it.
Although just in their early thirties, Grainne and Darragh were well settled in their life. They lived in the same town they grew up in. They had been together since they were teenagers, and they had all their life nicely mapped out.
Sadly children had not come yet, but they were not losing hope, there was still time. Just look, there are women now well into their forties having babies. All hope was not lost!
Anyway, after a few weeks of badgering and crying -You never do anything I want to do!- she convinced him, she did have to promise she will not tell anyone, and she honestly promised, as she did not need to tell anyone because they all had already been told.
When the day came, it was the most glorious sunny March day. Filming was taking place in the Balbriggan car boot sale, and Grainne was already buzzing with excitement well before they got there and parked their car in the enormous parking lot.
She had gone to great lengths to do her hair and nails, but had chosen a pair of black jeans combined with a black, silvery toned jumper. She was going for simple yet impressive. Grainne felt a million bucks till the host of the show came around to introduce herself.
Julie Howard was a well know English auctioneer, and not only was she smart and famous, but she was stunning, so much so that Grainne felt like a black beetle in the company of the pink ash dress, that draped the perfectly toned body, following every contour.
‘Please call me Julie. And you are?’, her voice had the musicality of a bird song.
‘Darragh…’, Julie started giggling in the most charming way.
‘Oh my, you have to teach me how to pronounce that! I will make a fool of myself in front of everybody!’, and she put her hand on his arm leaning in closely, her blue eyes twinkling at the well built, gruff Irishman.
Darragh turned to Grainne and introduced her.
‘My wife.’
Julie’s smile became even wider as she greeted the young woman.
‘What a gorgeous couple! You will be everyone’s favorites!’
Grainne should have known then that something was wrong, but her senses were dulled by the excitement of being on TV, on her favorite show, of all the lights and glitter.
In the end though, as they were getting in the car to drive home, she felt dejected and annoyed.
The day had been extremely long and stressful, they had to run in all directions like headless chickens. It wasn’t like on TV, smooth and funny, there were takes and retakes, there were long waiting periods when there was nothing to do.
Their competition had been a pair of antiques hobbyists from Cork, that seemed to know everything under the sun, and to top it all up their own expert must have been the most annoying person in the world, keeping long monologues for every little trinket he got his hands on.
Grainne was drained, so, when Julie, through a set assistant, invited them to a drinks party at the crew’s hotel, she was determined to say no, but when her eyes saw that Darragh had lit up, she agreed, just for a short while.
The party turned out to be quite large, people spilling out into the well manicured gardens of the hotel.
As they got there the expert latched on to Grainne and she had no means of escape. Darragh disappeared, and only two months later was she to find out where he had gone.
‘Yeah, it started at the party. I am sorry, you asked, I am not keen to share this with you. What you need to know is that I am moving to the UK to be with her.’ He was calm and determined like a man that knew exactly what he wanted.
Grainne was pinned into place in the middle of their kitchen, horrified by what she was hearing. The coldness in his voice giving her shivers.
Only ten minutes before she was happily bobbing down the stairs for coffee, while now her world was blown to smithereens.
‘What do you mean move to the UK? This is our home! Your home! I am your wife!’, Grainne did not recognize her own voice, it felt like somebody else, a hysteric woman, was uttering the words.
‘Come on, we do not live in the stone age, I know we are crazy Catholics but still, even we have the right to happiness.’
That floored her. So, he was not happy, she felt the pain physically stab her into the heart.
‘I am sad for you, I hate this feeling that I am hurting you, but it is better this way, you will get over me, and you will find somebody to love like … ‘, he stopped realizing that his words would cause her immense pain.
‘Like you love her …’, Grainne filled in the silence.
‘I am so sorry, I wish I could explain. It is like she makes me better, she makes me a better version of myself … she reflects the light in me … ‘, he went quiet smiling to himself at the memory of his lover.
Grainne was thrown into darkness, no light for her, no time for reflection as she started hurling plates and mugs at him, whatever came to hand, even one of the kitchen knives.
That was when she knew he would never be back—that most definite bang of the door, taking with him her reflected light.
Grainne could never again watch Bargain Hunt, instead, while mourning the loss of her partner, of her life as she knew it, she took to walking, and a few years later, while out on one of her walks she met the new man that was destined for her.
At some point, after some time, Grainne shared her disillusionment story with him, and in his eyes, in her reflection, Grainne found that, she, too, could reflect light.