He looked out the bus window and felt like he was sinking. The scenery passing him by did not mean anything. Blank cards. He tried to remember the last time he felt joy or longing or anything else except this sinking feeling overwhelming him. He could not. He looked at the houses, at the children, at the green trees swinging in the Irish wind. Nothing, not even a trace of feeling. He clasped his hands and clinging to himself he tried to find any reason within himself that would be enough to go on living like this. Nothing. He looked everywhere, he left no stone unturned in his blackened soul, but he found nothing. Despair took over the emptiness. And then anger. This had to stop, this could not go on anymore. There was no point. This was it. The decision was taken in that unique moment, on that mundane bus, he knew what he had to do. He could not, and would not, stand for another day like this, for another moment of pain. He looked out the window again, this time feeling at peace. The plan had been drawn.
The bus was rolling quietly through Finglas and, on it, a sad man was making ultimate plans. Mike felt like he was breathing for the first time in years. He stared at the buildings around and, as if though the universe was talking to him, agreeing with his plans, supporting his decision, he saw written on a building, in big bold letters “Prepaid funeral plans.”
Yes, this is what he needed. His demise will not be a burden to anyone. He will take care of everything, he will put his affairs in order. He jumped up and pressed the stop button. He was on his way now. He got off at the next stop and made for the funeral home. For a moment he wavered as doubt crept into his soul, but then he saw his shard of peace cracking and his resolve came back stronger than before. This was what he had to do and by God, he will do it!
When he got to the funeral home he stopped for a minute and read lovingly the sign again. “Prepaid funeral plans.” He loved it, he loved that he could plan for it, that he could control what would happen after. Standing still he was shocked to find a sparkle of joy light up in him. Indeed, he was sure this was the right thing to do. He went in and a big, white room welcomed him. There was nobody there, just some chairs, an empty desk and bare white walls. It is not like they can hang up photos of happy customers on the walls, he thought. The room had a sweet strange smell, and when he saw in a corner a vase flowing over with open, white lilies, he understood where it came from.
And now what? Was he supposed to wait there until somebody showed up? He did not have time for that. Oh, wait, actually he did. And the realization of this made him chuckle. The white room echoed his laughter making the whole thing even funnier. The noise must have attracted somebody as Mike heard movement behind a curtain.
“Hello?”, he got closer trying to see if anyone was there, and there was.
A small man came out from behind the curtain, strangely enough, walking backwards. When he turned around Mike was faced with a funky looking man, sizing him up from behind round, little glasses.
“Hello Sir!”, he said ceremoniously and put out his hand. “Mr. Molloy they call me.”
“Hello, I’m Mike.”, and they shook hands.
Mr. Molloy showed Mike to a chair and he want behind the desk, which now seemed even bigger because of his small stature. Clearing his throat, Mr. Molloy took out a notebook and a pen, staring at Mike continuously, waiting to find out what he wanted. The young man in front of him did not seem grief stricken, most likely he was there on behalf of a friend or relative.
When people came to Mr. Molloy it was usually post-factum, making it easy for him to know what was what, but this fella seemed rather relaxed and almost content to be there. Something was not right Mr. Molloy thought, so he asked.
“How may I help you Sir?”
Mike was not sure how to formulate his request, but faced with the challenge he had to find a way, so he just threw it out there.
“I want a plan, a prepaid plan.”, for a second he felt like he was talking about his phone, and he found that terribly funny in its absurdity.
Mr. Molloy grinned. He grinned for two reasons. One was that now he understood why the young man was relaxed, and the second was that he loved it when he had customers for the prepaid plans. Those were sure customers that paid upfront and that he could plan for. Also, after they were gone, he could always make some small savings on certain things, so they were quite profitable customers. Mr. Molloy liked the young man more, and more, with each passing second.
“Absolutely Sir! We have some exquisite deals. Let me show you!”, his voice was sweet and charming.
Mike was amazed by the transformation and especially by how this changed his features. Mr. Molloy seemed a totally different person now and his face was almost unrecognizable.
“You have several options. You can pay everything up front or you can pay in instalments. You can select a basic plan, or you can go for one of our deluxe packages.” He was so enthusiastic when he talked about this, that Mike started to fell enthusiastic also. But still, he had to keep a level head, he had to remember his budget.
Mr.Molloy pulled out a big book and when he opened it photos of funeral accessories were revealed. With his help Mike was able to choose the type of urn he wanted, what would happen to the urn after, how long the whole thing would be, he could even have a guest list, and the funeral home would send out the invitations. Mike felt it was a bit strange that Mr. Molloy never asked for whom all this was, it seemed to him that Mr. Molloy did not care for whom this was, as long as the deal was done. Maybe this is how it was supposed to be, the dead were his business after all.
At the end of the meeting everything was set up, Mike pulled out his card, paid, got his receipt and the folder with all the details they had agreed on. It was done. Mike felt elated like he had not felt in a very long time. He had a sense of accomplishment and pride. He had dealt with it.
He went back to the bus stop and waited. Now what? Clutching the folder in his hand he looked around. He felt shocked to discover he was actually happy. He felt free, he did not feel afraid anymore, he did not feel sad anymore, it was like in an instant everything had changed within him. The wind was touching his face, the leaves were dancing around him and he liked it, he felt it. He felt peace and quiet.
He touched the folder and remembered Mr. Molloy telling him that there is no date constraints for his plans, so he could enjoy this lovely feeling some more time. No rush now, it is all settled.
