He was out of his skin happy. It seemed like a dream to be there, in the audience, on that chair, among all those people. They were screaming, laughing, behaving in a very unnatural way, like they were on something really, but they weren’t. He wasn’t, and he had the same elated feeling, he was controlled by the same madness as all the rest of them. Jeff had come with some people from work and for the first time ever he felt he belonged with them, he felt like one of the team. To his surprise he was enjoying it, despite disliking them for so long, now he actually felt pleased to be there with them.
The tension rose as the start moment got closer. They were all waiting to see him, their master of ceremony, Bruceeeyyyy. They all go wild when the sliding doors open and there he is.
‘Nice to see you. To see you …’
‘NICE!’
They all shout like a hundred headed beast.
Bruce smiles at them, jokes with them, they are special. The first four people are called down. Jeff’s heart almost stops and he forgets to breathe.
‘Please let it be me! Please let it be me!’, he implores in his head.
It is not.
A well defined young woman is next to join Bruce and he holds her close squeezing her middle. Jeff is almost jealous of her. She is there, with him, in the lime light.
‘Please let it be me! I promise I will be so much better! And nicer, and kinder!’
She does not win. Serves her right.
Last one. All noise stops and they all become one expectant mass, barely breathing, barely blinking.
‘Jeffrey Bunson, come on down!’
Jeff is stunned. He cannot move, but the crowd around him explodes getting him up and pushing him out the row. He is genuinely shocked going down the stairs slowly for fear he will tumble down making a right fool of himself.
Bruce talks to him and he mumbles back a reply. Now he knows what he said, but only from the recordings he watched a million times, because right then and there he was stunned and really frightened by being on TV.
‘250, that is the correct price and not only you get the prize but also the Brucey bonus!’
This cannot be! He shuffles over next to Bruce being both happy and panicked.
‘I cannot believe this! I never win anything!’, Bruce says something to comfort him and congratulates him on winning the weirdest and useless wood statue. Maybe somebody will want to buy it.
Jeff barely gets time to focus that Bruce turns him around and shows him the most amazing prizes. A huge fridge-freezer, a top of the range washer-dryer and a under the counter dishwasher, plus flat 29″ inch TV with an incorporated video player.
The wind goes out of him and in a flash he can imagine all those wonderful things spread out his two-bed mid-terrace.
‘Do you understand?’, Bruce looks him in the eyes from a very close distance waiting for his reply.
‘Yes, I think so.’, his voice is not his own, it sounds like somebody else was speaking for him.
He needs to guess some prizes and then send a golf ball in a hole. The crows help him, yelling frantically.
‘No!’
‘Yes!’ You did it! You won!’ Bruce does a funny dance and the audience loves it.
‘But it is not over yet! We still have the showcase showdown!’
Jeff feels almost like fainting, he is sure he cannot continue. Happily they take a break before the next segment. All his co-workers jump on him in excitement.
‘You won all those amazing things! How do you feel?’
And so on, nobody really expect him to give an answer. In fairness, even if they did he would not have known what to answer. He had no idea how he felt, he was elated, he was in disbelief, he was in shock.
‘Everybody to your seats!’
The thundering voice sounded in the studio, and they listened.
Bruce came back and together to the music of frenetic applause they went to the wheel where the rest were waiting.
The next bit is a dream. An out of body experience. He gets a 75. Somehow that is the highest score and Jeff gets to the range finder, then the prizes and then he wins. He feels the world spinning and lets Bruce be the master of his destiny as he is numb to everything around him.
During the hundred, if not thousand times, he watches the show again he cannot believe the chaos around him. Jenny from accounting going literally mad hysterically laughing and hugging him as if there was something between them. The rest of them, usually so mean and cold, now all nice and warm.
When filming finished they all went to a party organised by the show. God what party that was! Even now when he thinks about it he gets watery eyed. Lilly and Emma, the models, so nice to him. No nothing happened, not for want of him trying mind you, just that there were so many people to meet to talk to. He was sure they will meet later. They gave out all the right signals, yeah, yeah, both of them!
The next couple of months were out of this world like. In work he was a hero. Everybody in his small town knew who he was. Sad that the models did not reply to any of his messages, but oh well, there are plenty of fish in the sea. Jenny from accounting extended him some favours but then she got an offer from a big firm in the city and moved there.
His house was now packed with the most beautiful gadgets and in the drive he had a brand new shiny car. Life was the best it had ever been and Jeff was happy. He loved being courted and admired by everybody. They all treated him as a very special individual and he felt for the first time ever appreciated at his full value.
His boss was the only one that did not seem to completely grasp how valuable Jeff was and sadly when Jeff went into his office and asked for a raise his boss advised him to best find another position as his presence was now quite disruptive.
‘No raise?’. Jeff was flabbergasted.
The boss shook his head in the most imperceptible manner.
‘But you do know who I am? I can bring in new customers, everybody knows me!’, Jeff was getting annoyed.
‘I am sure another company will snap you right up. This is best for all involved.’
Jeff got up and left slamming the door. He did not need them. Anybody would be lucky to have Him.
The next two months he took a well deserved vacation, no need to apply to jobs too soon. He has been working for more than 10 years, for sure he could afford a small vacation. Especially now!
He tried the models again. Still no answer.
The first few weeks were bliss. He woke up late, did nothing all day. When he did decide to go out he took more than an hour to get ready. So nice not to have to rush out the door so you’re not late.
Even the town seemed brighter and better. The only thing that irked Jeff slightly, was that evening in the pub when he had this strange feeling that people were looking at him and whispering about him. For sure started by that annoying Walt. Walt hated him ever since they were in school and now with Jeff’s good fortune it seemed like it had escalated.
The evening passed and Jeff put it out of his mind. He had one too many pints.
Time drifted by and soon Jeff felt like he needed to do something. His 2 bed terrace had a small garden. A new shed was in order for sure. His plans were diverted though when in the garden store he saw one of his neighbours avoid him. Something was going on for sure. It was so strange, everybody was so nice before, they all congratulated him on his winnings, they all sought his company. Jeff was determined to find out what had happened.
The proverbial ‘Easier said than done!’
How do you go about finding out what goes on in people’s minds when you do not know how to deal with them? Jeff contemplated the idea of just going to the pub and asking one of them. ‘Hey … what is the idea?’ But just the though made him crawl inside himself. It was high school again. When he wanted to know why nobody liked him. Or at least he assumed they did not like him cause he never asked.
They had been so nice before, without him having to make any efforts. What changed? What was he missing?
Jeff ordered his shed online and thank God it came with installation included cause there is no way he could have built it by himself. The curtains twitched delicately in the neighbour’s, but no compliment, no amazement was expressed for the wonderfully expensive shed he had bought. It almost looked like a little chalet in his patch of a garden. He liked it so much that he decided to make it a type of work space. What work he was not sure yet as he was not working and did not have any interests to speak of. But yeah, work space or even home office sounded so much better than ‘shed’.
For few days he worked setting up the space and when he was finished he looked around and became teary eyed of how perfect the setup was. Then a huge void opened up inside him and he was dragged into it whole by the feeling of emptiness caused by the thought that he had nothing to do in that space. The space was perfect but he was not. So he went to watch TV.
Jeff watched TV for the next few months. He barely went out, mainly to put out the bins. He always had the curtains drawn not to see the car in front or the shed in the back, ordering food online, and just sinking deeper and deeper into himself. Then the storm came.
It was one of those forceful Irish storms in which the nature seems to come alive and just rearrange itself. Sometimes after one of these storms you are not sure if everything is the same as it used to be, but you are so happy it is gone that you just get on with it. In Jeff’s case it was not that easy because a huge branch fell right on top of his house making a huge hole in the roof. One of those moments when that insurance does not seem such a bad idea after all.
‘We will fix it, it will take about a week.’ The foreman was scratching his head and was watching intensely the grey little man in front of him. Although he was in his thirties he seemed a lot older and colourless.
‘Do you have anywhere to stay?’
Jeff opens his mouth in protest but the foreman is all too used to these situations.
‘I know, but the insurance does not allow me to work on the house if there are people in it. Liability and so on, it is a work site and you cannot be living in it.’
‘But I …’, Jeff is really tired, he feels the little energy he has left just drain away through his feet, to the ground and leaving him a pile of flesh and bones without the ability to exist anymore.
‘Ok. We will come tomorrow. Don’t change the appointment because we have quite a few houses to fix, and then God knows when we can fit you in again. This was a big one!’
He leaves with a rhythmic clonk of his work boots. Jeff hears the sound go away and then for some reason getting close again.
‘Good neighbours you have here. Look they left you a care package. That is nice, especially nowadays when everything is so expensive. Bye see you tomorrow!’
He drops a box next to Jeff and clonks away.
What is he to do now? He cannot leave his house. He does not want to. It is the only place in the world where he is safe, where he feels safe. And in fairness, not working for so many months has eaten away at his money that he is not sure he could afford to live in a hotel for the duration of the works. He is about to crumble to the floor when through the back window his eyes hang on the shed.
If he had a bathtub he would have called out ‘Eureka!’ Yes, his work space will become his living space, and he does not have to go. For the first time in a long time he feels something inside like joy. It is a nice feeling to have. For the next few hours he sets up what he calls ‘his command center’ in the shed for the duration of the rebuild. When he is done he drops on his big blue bean bag and exhales with relief. It is so comfy and he has everything he needs. He will still go in the house for the loo, but that is such a small inconvenience that it does not matter.
Jeff decides to spend the night in the shed, no point in sleeping in the living room and then having to move everything back in the shed. Once he is done for the night he locks himself in the shed and … now what … No TV, he is not in the habit of listening to the radio, he looks around not sure of what to do with himself. Then the care package draws his attention. That was nice! There is no note. He takes everything out and spreads it on the floor. Some canned food, some toiletries, a small blanket and a book. He looks at them overcome by this pleasant warmth. It feels nice when somebody cares about your well being and they give you something trying to make you feel more comfortable. He puts everything away and is left with the book.
His first book. He does not have any books in his house, never needed them. The book is biggish and it has a cover mixing greys and a bright blue umbrella. ‘A riveting suspense thriller.’ It is by that guy with all the supernatural stuff. He is tempted to put it aside, but there is nothing to do, so he opens it slowly as if expecting something to jump out of it. All that comes out is a musty smell of old books. A charity shop purchase for sure. He skips the glowing reviews, as if ever anyone put a bad one in a book. And then he dives in and when he comes out his mind is buzzing and his whole being is like pulsating with joy. He falls asleep in a state of pleasant surprise and wakes up thinking he was dreaming, or it was a movie he watched.
The builders come and he is only allowed to access the downstairs loo and the kitchen. Good enough. With a cup of tea and an oversized sandwich he crosses the garden eager to go back into the world of the book.
The builders leave locking up after themselves. He gave them a key so they do not wake him up in the morning, he predicted he will have a long night, and so he did. Sometime after midnight he finished the book. This made him happy. He loved the book and everything about it. So he does not write just about sci-fi stuff, that is a surprise. Also, he felt like he accomplished something. He read a book. He read 405 pages. Mind blown!
Man on a mission. After having a bit of breakfast and making himself presentable he hops down the street to the town centre for a look around the charity shops. He feels strange, in a way he has not felt in a long time, a bit light and a bit pleased.
In the shop he greets people and feels ok with himself. He knows why he is there. So many books. He is not really sure what to pick so he just stares at them partially confused.
‘Hello!’
He turns around startled by the fact somebody is talking to him. It is a short brown haired woman he does not remember having seen before.
‘Hello!’, he is not sure what he should do next.
‘Did you like the book?’, she seems to be standing a bit too close to him and to be looking at him a bit too intensely.
‘The book? Yes actually I really liked it.’ He feels relived he can tell this to another human being.
‘Oh, I am so happy! I have a surprise for you! His books are a bit difficult to find in charity shops, so when I see them coming in I stash them.’ Her voice is a bit high pitched and she looks just like a robin would look if they turned into a human being on the spot. She beckons him to follow her.
‘Come!’, Jeff follows her docile fascinated by her energy.
After rummaging in a back cupboard she turns around with a victorious expression on her face.
‘Tadaaaaaa!’ She glows with pleasure as she shows him two books. ‘It is a trilogy, and that was the first one. This is the second and the third.’ She gives him the books pointing which is which. Jeff is shocked and he feels like maybe he is being pranked.
‘They are for you! Come to the till so you can pay for them. 2 euro each.’
He pays, and then like a robot he heads towards the door.
‘Come back soon, you hear!’, she chirps behind him in a cowgirl’s accent.
Outside he stops unsure of what just happened. No, it was not a prank. Yes, the books are real. He turns around and through the window he sees her helping another customer. On an impulse he goes back in.
‘I don’t know your name!’, his voice is like a whisper sure she will snap at him or something.
‘Oh!’ She gives a little pleasantly surprised laugh. ‘It is Bridget, but everybody calls me Birdie.’
‘So nice to meet you Birdie!’, he extends his hand and she shakes it most gently. Everything somehow just makes sense.
‘You too! Take care! Let me know you liked them!’
He nods and his heart skips a beat.
The next few days are life defining days, those days that just happen without planning, really good days.
Jeff loves the books and all he can do is wish to share this with Birdie. He waits for her to finish work and together they sit in the chip shop sharing a portion of chips and discussing how wonderful and horrifying the three books are. Birdie turns out to be quite and expert and tells him about other books he just must read. Jeff is only too happy to follow her guidance. He also finds out how the charity helps people all over the country focusing mainly on the homeless or those in danger of homelessness.
Can he help? Can he ever!!!
Soon the house is done and when he does the first and final walk through he is shocked to discover he has floors and good stairs to the attic. He turns towards the delighted foreman.
‘It was the same money, just a bit more work, but we did not mind. We saw you reading all day there in the shed and thought this would make a great place for books, it is nicely insulated. In such a small house every inch counts.’
Jeff is stunned and he does not know it but tears are running down his cheeks.
‘Oh come on! It is not that big of a deal!’ He slaps Jeff on the back obviously pleased that their work caused such a reaction.
To honor their work Jeff does put up shelves in the attic and his library starts with the three books that helped him survive when he needed it so much.
The shed becomes a workspace for the projects he has with the charity, fixing things they get donated, cleaning them. Birdie is over almost all days helping him out or just hanging around chatting about books, cooking or watching TV.
Tonight they plan to watch the recording of his winning show, Jeff feels a bit cringe, but some things just need to be faced head on. Even winning.
