She put her hair up and went on to study herself in the mirror.
Anxiety was not like any other person you have met. She was a shape shifter.
One day looking into the mirror she saw something, the next day, or even later the same day, she could look and see somebody totally different. Still the same person, but sometimes better or, other times, worse.
While putting her hair up she checked its thickness, a bit less than yesterday it seemed. Is her hair falling more than usual? What causes hair fall? She looked closely and, it seemed, the skin of her skull was more visible than yesterday. Was she going bald?
She started to brush her teeth and it was like she could feel every tooth surface, every bit of exposed root. Were her gums receding? She brushed forcefully, intent on removing any trace of foreign matter on her teeth, although she had done the same the previous evening, so for sure there wasn’t any.
She washed her face with scalding hot water, and then, disapprovingly inspected the red blotches on her face. She had wrinkles and the skin was starting to lose its firmness, becoming the texture of rice paper. Anxiety put on an impressive amount of hydrating face cream, and finally, after an exhausting fifteen minutes, she was out of the bathroom.
When it came to putting clothes on, nothing fit well, they were too tight or too loose, the wrong color or length, the fabrics did not work together, it was chaos. In the end she ended up wearing a black blouse with blue boyfriend jeans, a black hoodie and walking shoes. The jacket was an oversized grey number.
Dressed but invisible, just the way Anxiety liked it.
She double checked she had everything she needed in her bag, she put a bottle of water and some crackers in her backpack, and with a sharp intake of breath she left the house.
The morning was fresh and humid. Anxiety loved nature and was pleased to see the trees swinging lazily in the morning wind, to hear the birds singing the song of bird routine.
She looked at her watch. On schedule. What she did not say was that, she had left home with two hours to spare. Just in case something happened. She could not bear to be late.
She looked around and the deserted street reassured her, so she continued her quick walk to the bus stop.
In spite of the early hour already there were twelve people in the bus stop, she counted them. Although that was a lot, she was hopeful they will all get on the bus, it was still early, it was later that the busses became almost impossible to get on.
Anxiety positioned herself around where she knew the bus doors would usually open when the bus stopped. From under her eyelids she looked at the people around her. At that very early time of day, they were all working people of various ages, shapes and forms. They looked ok, so Anxiety allowed herself to check out the sky, the dark, backlit sky, with long, shapeless clouds crossing it slowly.
The bus came, they all got on, Anxiety squeezed herself into a seat and hugging her backpack she allowed herself a brief break, of course while keeping an eye on all those in her proximity.
She knew what each person around her was doing, where their hands were, all their movements, but she had been doing that for so long that, it was like second nature and she could think about her things while also surveilling them.
Her thoughts wandered to worries about her family, about money, about the economy, about wars, about all the things that were going wrong in the world. About their impact on the small people like her. The people nobody seemed to care about.
Anxiety felt herself getting depressed and overwhelmed, but then her stop came. She got off the bus, leaving on it the thoughts that had just formed like a sweeping tornado inside her mind.
Light was now seeping through the clouds, covering the world in a glittering haze, giving the grey city a fairy tale atmosphere. Anxiety was taken aback by this unexpected beauty and, for a fleeting moment, she forgot all about herself and just felt joy. But then, the Tower Clock sounded the hour and she came back to herself. She must hurry not to be late.
Not to be late, make the wrong impression, upset her manager, get fired, not find another job, not be able to pay her rent, lose the house, become homeless, freeze to death …
Gotta rush!