I was out walking once. I like walking, but not all the time, I just have to do it as recommended by the doctor for my sciatica, but that is a story for another time. Any way, I was walking in Triogue Woods, and as I was hobbling along enjoying the fresh air, looking out for mice or squirrels to keep me company, I saw this shining thing in a clearing. I was sure it was just the sun reflecting in a pool of water. In Ireland we get a lot of mirages like that.
I thought it beautiful and walked towards it. When I got close, I started to see that the light was coming from a certain, well defined area from behind some brambles. Now my curiosity was really pushing me to discover the source. Sadly my sciatica determined my range of movement and I could not make my way through the overgrowth to see. So I just sat down on a fallen tree and contemplated from a distance, using my rational mind to find explanations.
As I was sitting there I must have dosed off because I woke up, being shaken by somebody.
‘Hey, are you ok?’
Startled I looked up to see this young woman all dressed in green and with inquisitive, black eyes.
‘I … yes, am ok.’
I felt so strange, like I had slept for hours and my head was all fuzzy and confused.
‘Oh, ok! I got worried for you, sitting here, not moving, you’re so old. Thought maybe you died.’
Her face was relaxed now but still her eyes watched every move I made very closely.
‘Die?’, I was appalled at the suggestion. For sure I had still many more years ahead. ‘No, I am not dead!’
‘Good, I do not really like dead people. You lot are very needy.’
She put some distance between us.
‘Good bye then! Try not to die out here. People your age should just stay at home!’
Now she got me angry. Who does she think she is? This inexperienced, arrogant, little hussy! I heard that in a movie and liked it! No respect, these young folk!
I started shouting after her but she disappeared behind the tall brambles.
‘Good riddance!’ I thought and got up to continue my walk.
I hadn’t got far when in the middle of the path I see this very old woman moving very slowly, leaning on a stick.
In Triogue Woods there is a path, but in certain places it is so narrow that it is difficult to have two people walk side by side, and exactly on one of these paths, there was this old woman, right bang in the middle of the path making it impossible to pass her unless you pulled yourself to the side so much that the bushes would scratch and hurt you.
Now, you can imagine my difficulty with my sciatica and my few extra kilos. While we were still walking towards each other, from a distance, it seemed like there still was a chance for us to pass each other, but as I got closer and closer I could see that if she did not move her hunched body to the side too, there was no way.
I dreaded the encounter, and went as much as I could to the right side to signal the old woman she needed to do the same, she did not seem to notice me though and she just ploughed on in the middle of the path.
‘Indeed, hell is the others!’ I thought to myself as the encounter became inevitable.
From up close I could see the woman was incredibly old, she looked so wrinkled and bent that for sure her even moving defied all laws of time.
I said hello and she just mumbled something back, it could have been anything. I stopped, waiting to see what way she will go. Although I was as much on the right as I could, the path was so narrow that it felt like we were still face to face.
Briefly she looked up and I can swear I had seen those eyes before. She had a cheeky smile on her, transforming all her features, and watching me intently she walked straight at me and unexpectedly pushed me out of the way right into the thick bushes. Then she was gone. Despite my shock and cries I am sure I heard her laughing. Not an old, frail laugh, but a clear, hearty laugh, the kind you hear at the pub after a really good joke.
Oh, how I hated that old hag! How I called out to her!
I could not lie there for long, the plants were scratching me and the ground felt wet. As I mentioned I might be a tad too heavy and my sciatica keeps nagging me, so getting up was a project in itself. I had to roll on my stomach trying to avoid the thorny bits, then push into my arms all the while looking for something I could use as a crutch to stand up.
As I was there, face down, trying to figure out how to get up, I felt a crack in my back and this strange wave of relief went over me. No more pain! I was either dead or paralyzed! I had not had that feeling for more than 30 years! Against all odds I was neither dead, nor paralyzed, and I managed to get up by myself and except for some scratches I felt better than ever.
I looked back to see the old hag but she had gone. My knees were like brand new, no pain, no squeaking, I started walking really fast! I was in shock! I could actually walk really fast! The happiness was overwhelming! I wanted to share it with somebody, but the woods were empty and the dusk started to descend on the tops of the trees. I had better get home now!
As I was briskly walking towards the parking lot, out of nowhere, somebody on a bicycle with big wheels jumps in front of me and pulls out a knife. I swear to you that I thought I was done for. Never in my life have I felt so afraid! The person wanted my money!
‘I have no money! I have a watch …’, and I showed them with trembling wrists my old ancient watch. The dark figure jumped off the bike and came really close. When they did something got hold of me, some courage that I never had in my life, surely sprung from my lack of pain, and I pushed them really hard trying to take the knife. Somehow I managed, but in the process I cut my hand badly and blood was going everywhere.
They ran and exhausted I tried to give chase but didn’t get very far but just collapsed in the middle of the parking lot.
When I woke up I was in the hospital with my hand all wrapped up in a big white bundle.
‘You are lucky to be alive! A person of your age and health condition! It is close to a miracle!’ A nice smelling nurse was telling me while playing around with a machine that kept beeping. ‘You just rest now, enjoy the good pills’, and with a wink she removed her white curls and kind blue eyes from my sight. I could still hear her moving around the room, but I just could not see her.
As I lay there on my back staring at the ceiling I started to think about the woods and the craziness of my walk. That was one very intense afternoon!
When the gardai came I told them about the young woman and the old hag. They were very surprised, they hadn’t found anyone in or around the woods. They did find the bike abandoned in a ditch, but that did not mean anything sadly.
I got released a few days later and at home, when the pills had lost their effect I found out that my sciatica was still there. In the hospital though I had lost a few kilos and that felt so good. The doctor recommended daily exercise.
A walk in the woods maybe?
Ahhh … no! Maybe not!