The song rang in her head in the most annoying manner.
She could not turn back time, so she should just stop thinking about it.
Sat in her house facing the Sandymount beach, in the beautifully designed living room, Grainne looked around and wondered if it had all been worth it. She had gotten what she wanted, in spades, but now, eight years later she wished her life was different, not entirely, but significantly.
Eight years before she had gone to Stockholm to work and study for a year. She had jumped at the opportunity, Dublin was getting boring and she had just broken up with yet another boyfriend. Only this one was a bit crazy, a tad aggressive, and she felt she needed to put some space between them.
As a fashion photographer she always took courses between her other projects, and going to Sweden to take a course on ‘Telling a story through Lighting’, really appealed to her.
She was struck by the irony of attending a course on lighting, when she landed in January and the days were more in a permanent sunset than in daylight.
In the beginning she was fascinated by how people had adapted, and she could not help herself compare it to Ireland. Funny enough, now Ireland seemed light and luxurious, compared to the dark, cold Swedish winter, but the Swedes made it all worth while.
Grainne was invited to a never-ending string of parties, events, lunches, with coffee seeming to be more popular than water. At one of these events she had met him, because there always had to be a him with her.
A well known, much admired doctor, Lars Stark, had just turned fifty when she met him. In her late twenties, Grainne could have literally been his daughter, but that did not matter to her, she was smitten.
The admiration he got from all the people he met, the wealth he had, the security, all of them made her to ardently pursue him. Lars though, seemed to be quite content with his life and did not react as she had expected.
Grainne was what one would call a stunning beauty. Jet black, long, curly hair, intense blue eyes, marble like skin. If anyone ever embodied a Celtic goddess it was her.
Grainne was not just beautiful though, she was smart, and when she felt that Lars was starting to pull away she stopped her advances, she gave him the chance to get used to her presence, making sure she was invited to all the events he was going to.
She always had access to the most beautiful dresses which she borrowed shamelessly, so she looked like a movie star everywhere she went.
Over the course of a few months she kept this up, until one evening she got her chance. Lars had a bit too much to drink and was friendlier than usual. Grainne pretended to be a bit tipsy too and quietly encouraged his advances.
At the end of the evening she invited him to accompany her home and he agreed.
The rest was history. The fates had been with her that night and she got pregnant.
When she told Lars, she pretended that she was not sure what to do about the baby. She was a Catholic, she could not have a child without being married. Lars was in shock, he had completely given up on having a child, he could not let her have an abortion, so without too much delay he proposed to her.
His family were in distress sure that the child was not even his. But when the little girl was born there was no doubt about it, even as a little bundle she still had something of her father’s distinct features. She had his blue eyes, his blonde hair and his perfect nose. She was Kara.
For about a year and a bit it seemed all was working well, but then Grainne got tired of being away. She wanted to go back to Ireland, she wanted everybody to see her wealth, she missed her old habits and her old friends.
Lars could not conceive of leaving Stockholm. He had his own clinic, his family, his houses, his life. It could not be!
But, when Grainne started to lose weight, not leave the house and completely ignoring the child, he understood something had to be done, so they took a family vacation to Ireland.
Ireland was not exactly what he expected, it was very small, very unsophisticated, very agrarian. Grainne though started to bloom, she seemed to be back to herself, she minded Kara and took her everywhere to show her off to all her relatives, friends, former co- workers.
Money ran like water through her fingers, but although he noticed it, Lars was not bothered, she could spend ten times more and that would not make any difference.
Kara was happy and that was all that mattered to him.
When time to go back to Sweden came, Grainne confident in her assets, said that they were not going back. They were the baby and the mother.
‘You can stay with us or leave! You decide what matters the most to you!’
That was maybe the first time in his life when he felt like crumbling to the floor and cry. Kara was his life, he had come to care for Grainne, but his daughter was his true reason for being there.
Lars tried to find a good middle ground, but the only solution was for him to commute between the two countries.
That had been six years before. Since then Lars had opened a clinic in Dublin, his trips to Sweden had gotten rarer and rarer, as he worked to find good colleagues to take over his work in Stockholm. He would still go for certain events or delicate interventions, but his life now was in Dublin with his wife and daughter.
Kara grew up learning both Swedish and English, with a bit of Irish mixed in. They had bought the magnificent house in Sandymount. Grainne lacked for nothing.
Except, she did. She did not know what it was, but it was something inside her that her perfect life could not fulfill.
Now …
‘If I could turn back time …
Alina’s note: This is part of the work for my book, sometimes I write bits and pieces for my characters to get to know them better. These characters appear in my book, although not all with the same names. Yes, yes I am still writing that book!