You never know what the Devil will look like. For Paddy, living in middle Ireland, it took the shape of the most exquisite, blond, Eastern European beauty, working as a cashier in the local Lidl.
Paddy had seen his fair share of women in his sixty odd years in existence, but he had never seen anyone like her. Long, blonde hair cascading down her back, round shapes in all the best places, large blue eyes that seemed to swallow you whole when she looked at you.
For the first time in more than thirty years, Paddy was not in control of his person. A hard working man he always needed to be focused and sharp, of course, like any pure breed Irishman he had his drink, but only when it was appropriate and in just the right amounts. Paddy was not prone to excess.
Sunday’s himself and the Mrs would go to church, then have a large meal with all the children. He would admire his brood of grandchildren from afar, feeling immortal through their existence.
Paddy was a good man. A happy man. Grateful to God for all the health and good fortune he had been able to build. Life was sound until a light touch on the shoulder, and a whispered ‘Excuse me!’ made him turn around to be faced with the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
It was not just her beauty though, she had something magnetic that drew him to her.
Paddy was shocked by the sudden reaction he had to her. He could have sworn that the romantic part of him had died a long time ago. He loved his wife, of course he did, and he never had wanted another woman but her. Well, until now.
‘You stupid old man!’, he berated himself. ‘Come on finish the shopping and go home!’
And that is what he did, weirdly all the time having a lump in his throat and feeling like throwing up. Luckily, when he sat in the queue, she was nowhere to be seen. Paddy took slow breaths trying to calm himself.
Maybe he was having a heart attack, and it had nothing to do with her. But then, he turned his head and there she was, and he was overwhelmed by this teenage kind of affection, when all you want is to be in the presence of the other person and just bask in their light.
‘I might be going insane! I just need to get home!’, he thought to himself.
Somehow he managed to pay and get out of the shop. The cold air, sprinkled with rain drops felt like a welcomed caress on his face.
‘Excuse me!’
He turned around quick as lightning. It was her.
She ran after him and her cheeks were flushed.
‘You forgot this!’
Without waiting or allowing any space for reason to chime in, Paddy asked her:
‘Could I see you? I am married, but I feel I need to see you … I don’t know why …’
Her initial reaction was of withdrawal but then, she relaxed as he went on.
‘I am married too back home.’
After a brief pause she went on.
‘I go walking in the woods on the edge of town every morning, rain or shine, for one hour before work. 6 to 7am. You will find me there. We can chat.’
He nodded and she left.
Paddy could not remember the rest of the day. How he drove home, what he spoke about with his wife. All he could think about was the next morning.
He struggled all night, going back and forth, between his desire to go and his decision not to. In the end, when morning came, like a robot without any kind of free will, he showered, dressed, got in the car and drove to the woods on the edge of town.
It was not light yet, and, in the shadows of the impending dawn, he went in to look for HER.
Paddy felt alive, he felt nauseated and could barely contain his excitement. He walked the main trail, he followed the secondary ones, and gloom took over. Maybe she was not here? Maybe she just mocked him.
‘You old fool!’, he thought.
But before he could turn around he heard a voice, a sweet, sweet voice.
‘Excuse me!’
The sun rose and the spirits lifted.
‘Hello!’
‘Hello!’
They walked on together talking to each other as if they were old friends.
Paddy had never experienced anything like this. The ease of being, the happiness of revealing yourself to another, the joy of being seen. She was wonderful and he was wonderful because of her.
When they briefly touched hands while walking, it felt like electricity passed through his body and he had to hold his hand to stop it trembling.
When the hour was over they each got in their car.
‘Tomorrow?’, his voice expressed a longing he could never put into words.
‘Tomorrow.’, and hers mirrored it.
Tomorrow became a continuous string of happy moments spent with each other.
One heart, one spirit, one being.
Paddy was grateful for having this strike of lightning shake up his life. He was in love and that love was enough but with it came the guilt of lies and secrets.
Paddy was happy, but in tremendous pain, because although they were just friends, he knew that in his heart, in his mind, he loved her as a man should only love his wife.
He could not let her go though, giving up their meetings would have literally been the end of him, as dramatic as that might sound, he knew it to be true.
Paddy decided that the pain was worth the gain and in his old age he learnt how to lie and how to accept that he will spend eternity in hell.
And he was fine with that, living in a world built from everything he had once prayed against.