They’d arrived at the hotel that afternoon and, of course, there was some mix up with the rooms. They were not given rooms one next to the other, but on different floors. Deborah agreed to take the one on the lower floor, it was her sister’s moment and she wanted to make sure everything was great for her.
After they checked in, it was just a storm of activity, moving things from one room to the other, minding the children who were were naughtier than ever, as they felt the grown ups were not paying attention.
When dinner time came Deborah was exhausted and excited at the same time. The hotel they were staying in was unlike anything she had ever seen, glitz and glamour, but also style and elegance. It felt like a dream that, their little family, from an unknown little town, in a tiny country was there part of such a huge event.
Deborah was so proud of her sister, and beyond happy for her mother, that she was getting the chance to see one of her children she had fought so hard to raise, being so successful, and for her nieces that they could see their own mother being celebrated. It was truly a remarkable moment for all of them.
As it goes though, even remarkable moments have their prosaic preparations that need to be handled and organized. The award ceremony was the day after, so the plan for the arrival day was to settle in, and then go enjoy a wonderful dinner in the hotel three Michelin stars restaurant.
When the dresses were all perfectly lined in the huge wardrobe, when the details were all ironed out, Deborah waved good bye to her sister and they agreed to meet in the lobby. That is the only solid detail Deborah can remember, as afterwards it all became strangely unreliable. She had thought about that moment many, many times afterwards, but as much as she tried she could not understand what happened after.
She went in the hallway, closed the door behind her, and walked to the elevator. In front of the elevator there was this actress that she had admired all her life. The actress was accompanied by another woman pushing a large trolley, from which sparkling dresses hung in perfect order.
Deborah was stunned, and stuttering, she signaled she will take the stairs.
‘Just one floor …’
The two women smiled placidly as she disappeared behind a large door marked Stairs.
Deborah was in disbelief, she had actually seen that actress in the flesh. Deborah had seen her in movies all her life and she was so beautiful. So small! All the women here seemed so small, more like girls than grown up women, although some were well into their mature years. On the telly you could not tell they were so small …
As she was thinking these Deborah descended stairs that seemed to go on forever, just as she became aware of it she saw a door and went through it. She stepped out into a well lit corridor. As she walked on, it opened into a small lobby lined with mirrors reflecting the light from, what seemed like, thousands of lights hanging in low chandeliers.
This was not her floor, and, as she was thinking about checking on what floor she is, Deborah realized she does not remember the floor her room was on. She had her room card in her pocket, but she as had left the little cardboard sleeve with the room number on it behind it was of no help.
Deborah felt panic rising inside her. How could she not remember her room number? Or the floor. She felt in her pocket for her phone, but it was not there. Looking down at herself, it dawned on her that she was wearing leggings and a flimsy vest with flip-flops, in this luxurious lobby. Thank God there weren’t people around at that time!
Deborah decided to go back to the stairs and up one floor to her sister’s room to get her phone and remember what room she was in. This gave her strength to control the trembling of her hands and to push down the need to throw up.
As she retraced her steps Deborah found that the stairs she was looking for were not where she remembered they should be. Some beautifully dressed guests passed her by and she could not help this feeling that she was almost naked and needed to hide. She spotted a couch in a corner and walking close to the wall, she went and sat down.
The coolness of the leather felt comforting as, in a strange way, it was grounding her in reality. She was not losing her mind, she just needed to settle down, take deep breaths and it would come to her. The couch was huge and she felt almost hidden sitting there with her arms crossed to cover her body. The passers by seemed too absorbed by their own persons to notice her. That made her feel better.
As she sat there she was able to come up with a solution. She could go to reception and ask for her sister. Her sister’s name she could remember very well. Yes, she could do that. She had options.
As she was sitting there working hard to keep herself composed, Deborah was brought back by a loud screeching that ended with the word ‘Auntieeee!’
One of her nieces came running to her.
‘Auntieeee! Mommy sent me to bring you your phone!’
Deborah felt the happiest she had ever felt, faced with the cheerful, little round face of her nice.
‘Oh love!’, she hugged her tight, but her niece was very impatient and wiggled herself out of the embrace.
‘Like my dress?’ the little girl was beaming knowing all too well how beautiful she looked.
‘I love it!’ Deborah could feel herself calming down.
‘Come auntie! You need to get dressed too! What are you doing here anyway?!?’, of course the little girl did not wait for an answer, and she took her aunt’s hand and dragged her through the labyrinth of corridors to her room. Deborah was amazed how the little girl had remembered all the winding corners and similar looking turns, but was beyond grateful for being saved so graciously from her moment.
This is how she would think about that episode from then on: her moment.
A moment that she never shared with anyone, that she kept hidden deep inside her, and that made her do some weird things her family would tease her about.
From then on Deborah got this habit of always carrying a little notebook with her. Notebook in which she made all sorts of little notes about what they were doing and when. She never read what she wrote, but it was always there in her pocket next to her phone, which had a fifty euro note neatly folded and hidden behind the plastic case.
Sometimes the moments that shape us remain hidden forever, never fully understood.