Anxious Agony

Dear Agony Aunt,

I have decided to write as a last resort. I am stuck in the most horrifying anxiety and I do not know how to get out of it. I am always anxious, but sometimes it gets so bad that I feel overwhelmed like I cannot cope.

If something goes outside the routine, or something happens at work like a heated conversation, or I dare to speak my mind (I often don’t because I am so afraid of what will people think, or I will get fired), I am completely engulfed by panic and my mind starts racing and I review in my mind the events and I scold myself for all the things I could have done differently, I berate myself for going outside the norm and all these things just form this tight tissue over my mind and I start feeling I will implode and stop breathing.

I live like this every day and it can be caused by the most unexpected things, so every day is a new day and I never know what horror they will bring. It all can start out great and crumble in the most spectacular way just a few hours later.

It takes so much work just to keep breathing that I honestly feel sometimes I will not be able to do it and that contributes even more to my fear. If I let my thoughts run wild they depict for me the darkest future filled with wants, peril and suffering.

I need your help to find a way to live through this continuous painful ambiguity and fear.

Yours truly,

Anxious Ava.

Dear Ava,

It pains me to find out about your struggle. I do not know how much comfort you will take from this, but please know you are not alone.

There are millions of people in this world working through different degrees of anxiety and existential dread. It is important you consult a doctor and have some tests done to rule our any physical factors, so please start there.

Once the physical is ruled out you can look further.

Some of these millions of people have found ways of dealing with this, and what is even better many of them have documented it in different forms.

Now, what you need to do is have a good think, when you are good and relaxed, not in the claws of anxiety, and think about how do you like to learn things, how do you enjoy it best?

Do you like to read? Watch stuff on TV? Listen to music or podcasts? Do you like support groups?

Make a list and start from there.

If you like to listen to things look up audio books or podcasts about living with anxiety. If you would like to chat with other people there are loads of online groups or you can join a therapy group in your area.

While writing this, my own anxiety was whispering in my ear, to make sure I tell you to be careful with the information you share about yourself online as you never know who is on the other side. So see, anxiety is also good, it is an evolutionary trait meant to protect us and to help us plan for adversity.

Your aim should not be to get rid of anxiety, your aim should be to take it under control, rein it in and use it to your own advantage. Let it protect you when it is meant to, but do not allow it to take over your life and your mental health.

Life will happen no matter what we do. Sometimes we make mistakes, nobody is, or can be, perfect. Accept your humanity, accept that you can be wrong and own your mistakes.

Also, be good to yourself, no matter what happens to you in your life, you need to always be able to count on your own person, so be compassionate and caring with yourself.

I hope this helps.

Please let me know how you get on!

Warmly,

your Agony Aunt.