About not being a 'real writer'

Not long ago, I wrote a post about how my development took place in a very ‘heavy books’ oriented culture. We are now visiting Romania (the place in question) and one of the first things I see in the airport is a book vending machine. Of course, drawn like a magnet I went to see the titles. Mind blown and somewhat amused.

Some of the titles were Spinoza, Erasmus of Rotterdam, Dostoevsky, and so on. And some other ‘heavies’ of the book trade. I was amused initially, but then I started to think about it. It is so interesting that people here actually read these books to entertain themselves.

As far as I am concerned, they always had an inhibiting effect. I always knew I could never be as good as them, or as intelligent and as insightful as them, and this made me develop an overwhelming inferiority complex.

Even now, when I write one of my stories or chip away at the old novel, I feel like it is useless work as I will never write anything as impactful as they did.

Sadly, this belief is ingrained in my subconscious and I need to work against it everyday to ‘put the lie to it’.

Working to fight it I am trying to answer: Why is this an irrational thought?

One answer that comes to mind is that, if I do not write, I will never know how impactful my work would be.

Or, I do not need to write like Spinoza, or Dostoevsky or anyone else for that matter, as long as I write as myself that is the most important thing.

Also, there are other authors out there that I adore and that do not write ‘heavy’ stuff. So, this means that writers that do not write like that can still be appreciated and loved and make a difference to their readers.

This means I can do it too.

I was able to find online some photos of the book selling machine. They are older photos and show a different set of books, but they are still useful so you can see how it looks.

Romanian sculptor and painter Constantin Brancusi is credited as having said Nothing grows well in the shade of a big tree. and I think in a certain way it applies to what I am trying to say here.

If you grow up in a world where everybody reads just philosophy and earth shattering books, then if you dream of writing mystety novels, or romance or about witches and legends, you will for sure feel inadequate and like doing cave paintings compared to the works deemed as worthy.

So you will feel unworthy and your work unnecessary and unwanted.

That is a lie though! A big fat lie!

And the best thing you can do for yourself, is, to take control of your wants and dreams, and bit by bit, line by line, turn your reality into what you want it to be, not in what you think you deserve based on preconceived notions of yourself.